I just don’t know when or if I’m ever going to get my shit together.
Why? Whats happened? Yesterday you were full of the joys and going to make a real effort and up your dating game…
Did I actually say that? Or was that the wine talking?
Hmm good point but lets be honest it is quite hard to differentiate between the 2 a lot of the time!
Damn cheek not that you’re wrong on this occasion but…
So then what happened? I thought you were meeting the man of your dreams aka him with the nice arms at 7pm and its now 7.30pm, don’t tell me you’re running late again?!
Nope~I left the house on time,well early actually so I could get some fuel on the way, got in the car and realised I’d forgotten my purse. Went back indoors came out and tripped over the dodgy paving slab outside the house ffs.
Yes the one that’s been in the same place for the last year’s ~you can stop laughing.
Apart from feeling utterly stupid, I’m fine (thanks for asking not!).
So I went to the garage and got totally flustered, couldn’t park the right way for my petrol cap and just couldn’t deal with trying to hoist the pump up and over the car in this heat, therefore ended up driving around looking bloody hopeless, managed to spill petrol on my new shoes and decided that was enough for one day.
I am now home putting serious effort into having a relationship with as much chocolate as I can manage without making myself sick!
Letting out a huge sigh, Sandra turned and patted the small head staring intently up at her ‘I don’t know Pam’ she said to her wagging tailed companion ‘I just don’t know’.
Opening her phone and reading through the text conversation once again, Sandra managed to avoid the temptation of opening google to assess her eligibility of indeed becoming a nun and plonked her mobile down on the table,slightly firmer than she had anticipated~bugger!
‘Right’ she said, once again as if half expecting a reply from someone.
‘I’m off to make use of the gym’s shower and coffee facilities and who knows maybe even their exercise equipment!’.
Honestly two words from a male and I’m dropping sugar sachets and spilling coffee all over myself.
Trust you to get coffee all down a white top, so what did you say to him then?
Nothing he said ‘hello gorgeous’ at the exact time I dropped the sugar, I was flustered enough trying to pick it up, that’s how I spilt the damn coffee, what a waste.
Yes I would say that was a pretty wasted opportunity right there my friend.
Noooo I mean what a waste of coffee! Anyway I’ve decided that I’m getting too old for this online dating lark, I mean seriously some guy messaged me last night saying ‘I had a cracking pair of Norks’ I had to google what that even means ffs.
Hahaha well you can’t give up, its too funny.
Well I’m so glad I’m entertaining, maybe I’ll put that to good use and write ‘the flustered girls guide to finding love.’
Answer the phone, oh come on pick, pick up,pick oh thank goodness you’re awake.
Well I am now, what’s the emergency?
Oh my goodness, you won’t believe what I did last night.
You didn’t text Dave did you? I told you not to,that was the last thing I said to you.
Technically it wasn’t, the last thing you said to me was put the wine down and get some water but no I did not text him!
Ok so what then?
Well here’s the thing ~I decided to enter that dating app competition, you know the one where the funniest profile wins a prize and all that jazz?
Love it, knew you would! Whats wrong with that?
Well I may of accidentally muddled up my dating entry with the job application form for that new bar in town and it would seem that I have only gone and sent my hilarious (if I do say so myself) dating competition entry to the wrong email and if I my now sober eyes aren’t fooling me then it is now sitting in the bar owners inbox.
The bar owner~the really fit one??
What? Yes oh my days,I am never ever setting foot in that place like ever.
Well he won’t know what you look like.
Erm my photo was attached to the application.
Right I’m sending it over to you, put the phone down, stop laughing and help me sort this woman.